Why Talk Therapy Hasn’t Fixed Your Anxiety

Have you ever had a friend say “just stop worrying about it”? Did it work? Did you stop worrying? 

I didn't think so.

Logically you can understand worrying doesn’t fix anything, but knowing is not enough to stop it.

This is why anxiety doesn’t get better with talk therapy alone - talking about it is not the same as doing something about it.

For some people therapy actually made their anxiety worse. And it breaks my heart when I hear this because anxiety is very treatable.

There’s a saying that comes up a lot in therapy, “It’ll get worse before it gets better”. This isn’t always true, but it can be, and here’s why..

In therapy you learn your triggers and the way you experience anxiety. You start to become hyper-aware of feeling uneasy, racing thoughts, and so on, every time it’s creeping up on you.

But you haven’t learned or used the tools to deal with it yet. 

Remember what I said before? Knowing is not enough to stop it. 

Knowing and understanding is just the first step.

Avoidance is the heartbeat of Anxiety.

Do you avoid certain situations because it causes you anxiety? Or do you look to others for reassurance because you can’t make the decision on your own?

Avoidance and reassurance seeking is temporary relief and does not fix the long-term problem.

If you have specific situations that bring about your anxiety, you’ll want to be learning how to manage those. I’ll get to some tips in a moment.

Since it would be an endless list to go over all the possible ways anxiety could be showing up for you, I’ll spare you and only list a few examples..

Health anxiety - constant checking for symptoms, asking people for reassurance “Do you think I should go to the doctor for this?”

People pleasing - difficulty with possible confrontation, replaying conversations in your head of what you’d like to say- but those conversations never seem to happen do they?

Perfectionism - setting high standards and never being satisfied. Believing “Once I reach this goal I’ll be happy”, but you keep moving the goal post. Eventually you look back and realize you’ve reached you’re goals and you’re still not happy.

Social anxiety - worry you’ll embarrass yourself in front of others. Replaying conversations in your head, rehearsing to prepare for all possible scenarios. You get so worried about “What if” your anxiety starts rising (despite all your preparation) and you increase the chance you’ll actually be awkward instead of just being yourself.

“Great, I know what causes my anxiety. Now what?”

You learn ways to face your fears.

Gradual exposure. Taking small steps towards the end goal. This helps you face your fears in doses instead of diving in head first.

Along the way you become less anxious in response to the fear, and you gain confidence in your ability to do uncomfortable things until you gain mastery over it.

Each time you do the difficult thing, you're telling anxiety to shove off.

It’s like watching a scary movie 5 times. The first time you watch it you’re on the edge of your seat and jumping and covering your eyes at all the jump scare scenes.

Then you see it a third time, you know what’s coming, but there’s a couple jump scares that still catch you off guard.

Then you see it a 5th time, now you’re looking over at your friend waiting to see their reaction at the next scene so you can laugh when they jump. 

Each time you face your fear it gets less scary and you become more confident.

“It’s still hard facing my fears. Is there anything that helps?”

Coping skills. I know, I hate the term too. I try finding different ways to say it - coping strategies, tools, methods, grounding exercises…

When possible, I just call each skill by it’s name and explain it.

Anyways, back to coping skills.

Why your coping skills aren’t working. 

“I’ve been using all the coping skills and it’s still not working!” Anxiety has become a pattern in your life, which means your tools for challenging anxiety need to become the new pattern.

Practicing deep breathing (or any other tool) only when you’re in a full blown panic is like throwing a water bottle at a bush fire. Good luck!

If you haven’t been practicing your skills when your anxiety is a 3/10, how can you expect it to have any effect when your anxiety is a 10/10? It’s often Too Little Too Late.

Say you’ve been practicing all the things your therapist has taught you and it’s still not enough. 

It takes time and consistency. I know, super annoying.

I’m not always the most patient person either. If you’ve been struggling with anxiety for some time now, it’s going to take a little while for your new practices to become habits and take hold.

For some people their symptoms are so severe and they need to get back to being able to function - go to work, care for their family, get outside. The goal isn’t to suffer. When you’ve been practicing but not getting the results you want, this is when I bring up the conversation of medication.

The choice to take medication is a personal choice and every person has their own reasonings for why or why not. This is your choice and your choice alone.

The right medication can help take the edge off, but it’s generally not the cure. We’re human and some form of anxiety is still going to come up from time to time and you’ll want the tools to be able to manage it when it does.

Ready to learn how to manage your anxiety?

Treating anxiety related disorders is my specialty. I have practiced each and every skill that I teach and share with others as a therapist who’s overcome anxiety.

Curious about working with me? Contact me today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

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Disclaimer: The information on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for any questions you may have regarding a condition.